I chose the second paper from my peers to post my review of. This paper has strong potential, it just needs more depth added into it.
I think you made good points in your paragraph, but your paragraphs didn’t flow that well. I think your first paragraph could work well as a body paragraph with more added to it or combined with your second paragraph. A good idea would be to introduce your main point right away with your thesis and to introduce your articles in the beginning to show your direction. Your paper had a good layout, overall, but you might want to go more into depth for your argumentative paragraphs. It was a good start to your essay.
Good. You make concrete suggestions for your peer to improve their work. You might continue to work on being even more specific. For example, take a sentence to articulate what your peer’s main point is. I can’t see your marginal comments. If you post these, please send me an email to let me know so that I can mark it down.